Müde

 “You need to be content with small steps. That’s all life is. Small steps that you take every day so when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some distance.” —Katie Kacvinsky At the beginning of this year, I was worried sick about what the future holds for me. It has been like this for me over the past few years, but this time  it’s different . This time I NEEDED the change. I needed to get and be something. ‘ I have been in hiatus for years, how do I get back into the workforce?’  was a question I kept asking every time I’m about to hit send on yet another application form I’ve come across on LinkedIn. It didn’t help that the field I was entering is completely new to me. I was not fresh from school, I was not just coming out of any recent employment either—I was utterly inexperienced, a proper stale graduate. The future looked so bleak that whenever a month draws to an end, my depression dutifully crescendoes as well. But I held out hope....

  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” -Matthew 7:7 I am guided to where I am meant to be. I will go where I’ll be celebrated, not where I’m simply tolerated. Good things are happening to me. From my heart and lips to God’s ears. I have faith.

Since we moved to Europe in 2021, I have witnessed the punctual flow of one season into the other. For someone who’s spent all her life in strictly wet-dry climates, this has been a very fascinating experience for me. Four seasons. A blanketing proof of forces outside ourselves, inevitable changing and aging, nature’s natural cycle of death and rebirth. Slowly, and then all at once. This is how it always goes. For several days, it’s hot. Every person you see is basking in the heat from the scorching sun, some would even resort to ditching their clothes altogether. Summer dresses, shades, shorts. And then one day, you feel that cold breath on your skin. A gust, a wisp, an invisible, gentle cold touch. Unmistakable but negligible, because after some time, the golden ball comes back. Again, people bask in the sometimes too friendly sun. And then, rain. People adjust, “it’s just one of those days”. This, too, does not last. Nature is best in taking its time. Slowly, slowly, it eases you to...

  I read this on   Seth’s blog , and it has since stuck with me. To overcome an irrational fear…replace it with a habit.  If you’re afraid to write, write a little, every day. Start with an anonymous blog, start with a sentence. Every day, drip, drip, drip, a habit. I published tiny notes on  Lettrs  for years until I moved to the Notes app on my phone. My randomness and short patience would only allow for a few lines of legible musings. Nevertheless, writing — like  reading  — fascinates me. I admire the works of people like  Ava ,  Nikita Gil  and  Erin Hanson , who always seem to know the right words and metaphors to use in their written art. Because for the love of me, I cannot sit still and pen down my thoughts, as colorful and detailed as I’d like them to be. My thoughts are like splatters of paint on an already busy canvas, random and evanescent like lightnings in the sky. So, after reading Seth’s piece, I made a mental note ...